the laughing pug
coffee company
📢 Listen up, jabroni. YOUR FAMILY’S HONOR IS AT STAKE HERE!
Ok, Let’s cut the crap.
Most brands, they beg for sign-ups.
They bribe you with pathetic discounts and promise “exclusive content” that reads like it was written by an unpaid apprentice named Tyson. Tyson still wears his high school hoodie and thinks "V Energy" is a personality trait.
But this here, this is The Laughing Pug Coffee Company and we do things DIFFERENTLY!
We don’t ask for sign-ups.
We don’t politely suggest you subscribe.
We don’t beg.
We don’t bribe.
We’re rebels and We have Meatball.
A 4’2” tattooed Mexican luchador with rage issues, caffeine dependency, and the ability to suplex you into another dimension.
Aaaand guess what, ....he’s already decided you’re in. Not only have you just been signed up, ...you’re about to be initiated!
☕WHAT YOU’RE GETTING (LIKE IT OR NOT):
✅FIRST DIBS ON THE GOOD STUFF – Exclusive blends, the occasional discount, (I know, we lied) and products too good for mainstream peasants.
✅ ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED EMAILS – We’re talking entertainment so wild/boderline weird, it'll make your mum question your life choices.
✅A COMMUNITY (Probably more like a Cult) OF COFFEE-DRINKING MANIACS – You know, people who love bold coffee, passive/aggressive marketing, and have zero tolerance for people who still have a "Jar of Desperation".
✅ A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING (MAYBE). – You might just become a better human being. We’re not saying this coffee will give you superpowers, but we’re also not not saying it.
Sounds good, right?
OF COURSE IT DOES.
That’s why we’ve already signed you up.
💀 WAIT, WHAT? I DIDN’T SIGN UP YET?
Oh, but you did.
You just didn’t know it.
By reading this page, Meatball took that as verbal consent.
Your email? Logged and already on its way to Nigeria.
Your fate? Sealed and probably unavoidable.
And here’s the kicker…
🔥 WE'VE ALSO SIGNED YOU UP FOR STEVE’S PERSONAL COACHING PROGRAM. 🔥
Steve has big plans for you.
Your Nana is already asking why you’re ignoring his calls.
Your mum? Disappointed.
Your dog? Confused.
Your future? Irreversibly altered.
🚨HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS? HERE'S SOME REAL CUSTOMER REVIEWS (PROBABLY)🚨
📢 “I tried to close the tab, now my mouse does'nt work. I think Meatball controls my computer” – Tim, Helpless
📢 “Steve just texted me ‘we need to talk.’ I haven’t slept since.” – Jessie, Terrified
📢 “I blacked out and woke up subscribed to everything. My mum won’t stop asking about Meatball.” – Claire, Fully Committed
📢 “This is the first email I’ve ever been excited to open. I’d let Meatball powerbomb me into next week.” – Sarah, Questionable Morals, Possibly Insane.
📢 “I don’t even drink coffee, but I signed up just to witness this madness.” – Greg, Living His Best Life.
📢 “I ignored the sign-up. Now my car won’t start and I hear distant wrestling entrance music at night. Coincidence? I think not.” – Anonymous, In Danger.
📢 “I signed up just to avoid a Meatball-related injury. 10/10, would subscribe again.” – Dave, Possibly Intimidated.
📢 “This is the first email list I’ve actually looked forward to. It’s like an unhinged fever dream.” – Karen, Caffeine Addict.
📢 “If you’re reading this, it’s already too late. Just sign up.” – Anonymous, Likely Regretting Choices
🚨LAST CHANCE – OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES
Soooooo, you can either:
✔ Enter your email below and experience marketing that makes other brands cry "WTF".
OR
❌ Ignore this page and forever wonder what could have been.
Your call, champ. But Meatball’s watching.
📩 DROP YOUR EMAIL BELOW NOW.
SIGN ME UP BEFORE MEATBALL POWERBOMBS ME.
👇👇👇 GO ON, SIGN UP OR TAP OUT. 👇👇👇